What’s that song that I’ve always got stuck in my head?Youtube: I remember when, I remember I remember when I lost my mind…But what’s the song CALLED?Crazy: derived from the 16th century English word “craze”, meaning “full of cracks”Ohhhh, got it. So, I know I shouldn’t be looking this stuff up, but what IS that thing between a boy’s legs?Wikipedia: PenisWhat's a penis?It’s what makes him entitled to you.Why did it hurt so much when he…Pain: physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury.What illness?Major depression accompanied by flashbacks and auditory hallucinations.How do you kill yourself?You are already dead.Why can’t I forget?Hysteria: From the Latin hystericus, “of the womb.” A state characterized by overreaction.Why did it start to feel good?Lust.Why didn’t the lust ever leave?Loneliness.Where are the answers? With God. But be wary of giving out personal information for a scam program masquerading as God. Credit cards and souls are easily stolen.What is God’s contact information?Call this number.We’re sorry. God is not available right now. Press one if you wish to wait on the line. Press two if you wish to continue talking to google. Press three if you wish to speak with your auditory hallucinations.Three.Press one if you wish to speak with Suicidal Ideation.One.Shooting yourself in the head would be just like throwing out mold-infested flesh.I know each pill is just a different hellI know I am always on your mindThat you constantly tweak every detail of the plan to come up with infinityWhy do you think-Who do you think-Where do you think-think-think-thinkPress two if you wish to speak with Shame.Three.Your mother was sleeping right next you. You could have woken her up.But you were 8 and had never felt so strange.You were 8 and never seen a penisDon't cry about how you'll never stop feeling his eyes on your body.Or how the fingerprints left on your thighs are resistant to obsessive washing.You wanted it.Whore.Slut-slut-slut-slut-ssssssssssssssPress three if you wish to speak with Hope.Three.Rest your weary worried head awhileBreathe in and out awhileListen to my lullaby awhile and rememberYou are stronger than the traumas of your pastOr the voices in your head.
About the Author | Jasmine C. Bell is an emerging poet in Austin, Texas and currently attends the University of Texas with plans to major in psychology and minor in Mandarin Chinese. She is currently co-president of Spitshine Poetry on UT's campus and leads poetry workshops every other week. In 2015 she was a member of the UT Spitshine slam poetry team that went to CUPSI, where they placed 13th nationally and won the award for "Best Writing by a Team". She was also part of the Spitshine team in 2016 and will represent them in 2017. She has written one chapbook ("The Tears of Genesis").